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PURE BLUETALITY: THE ONLY BLUE CHEESE DRESSING YOU’LL EVER NEED

PURE BLUETALITY: THE ONLY BLUE CHEESE DRESSING YOU’LL EVER NEED

PURE BLUETALITY: THE ONLY BLUE CHEESE DRESSING YOU’LL EVER NEED

Listen up, ranch boys and boneless wing enthusiasts—this one ain't for you. This is REAL blue cheese dressing. None of that watery, bottled trash made for people who have no shame ordering boneless wings in front of their children. If you can’t handle the funk, go dip your frozen pizza in something else.

WHY HOMEMADE BLUE CHEESE DRESSING?

Because store-bought dressing is a national disgrace. It's packed with weird oils, watered down like a gas station latte, and tastes like regret. You deserve better. You deserve Pure Bluetality—a dressing so bold, it makes ranch lovers question their life choices.


PURE BLUETALITY INGREDIENTS

The only way to make real blue cheese dressing:

  • ¾ cup Duke’s Mayo – Consider this non-negotiable. If you try using some weak, flavorless mayo, don’t even bother making this.
  • ½ cup Sour Cream – Thick. Tangy. Essential.
  • ½ cup Buttermilk – Local is best, but at the very least, make sure it's the real deal.
  • 1 tbsp Tacticalories Primal SPG – If you know, you know. If you don’t, fix your life and get some.
  • 1 cup Blue Cheese CrumblesThe star of the show. Get the good stuff. No sad, pre-crumbled nonsense.
  • Juice of 1 Lemon – Just a little slap of acidity to bring it all together.

HOW TO MAKE IT

This is not rocket science. If you can tie your own boots, you can make this.

  1. Mix it all together. That’s it. You don’t need a degree in the culinary arts to make a killer dressing.
  2. Taste it. If it doesn’t punch you in the mouth with flavor, add more blue cheese and Primal SPG.
  3. Let it sit. A couple of hours in the fridge lets the flavors meld into something even more powerful.
  4. Drench your wings, drown your rare-ass steak, baptize your burger. This isn’t a “light drizzle” situation. Go all in.
Homemade Blue Cheese

THE BONUSES YOU DIDN’T ASK FOR, BUT NEED

What if you can’t find Blue Cheese crumbles where you live?

I don't know... move I guess? 🤷🏻‍♂️

Can you swap it out for something else?

Technically, yes—but also, no—because if you swap out the bleu, you’re just making some sad, poser ranch dressing thing.

But if you’re dealing with someone who “doesn’t like blue cheese” (aka, a flavor-fearing child in an adult’s body), here are some substitutions:

  1. Feta – Closest in texture but lacks the funk. For the “I like adventure… but not too much” crowd.
  2. Goat Cheese – Creamier, tangy, and soft. Not the same punch, but still semi-respectable.
  3. Gorgonzola – If they think they hate blue cheese, hit ‘em with this mild, sneaky version.
  4. Parmesan or Pecorino Romano – Sharp and salty, but let’s be real—it’s not the same.
  5. Smoked Cheddar or Gouda – If they want something bold but can’t handle the mold.

If someone still refuses blue cheese after this list, make them disappear from your life.

FINAL WARNING: DON’T BE THAT PERSON

If you serve this dressing at your next BBQ and someone asks for ranch, politely show them the door. This is a place of honor. A place of flavor. A place where boneless wings and weak taste buds have no place.

Tag a friend who still dips their wings in ranch and let them know they're living a lie.

#BlueCheeseOrBust #Tacticalories #RealOnesOnly #BleuTilDeath