4 Ways to Shoot Breakfast in the Face

4 Ways to Shoot Breakfast in the Face
"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day". I've heard it all my life. I can remember my mom making me cinnamon sugar toast and washing it down with some farm milk, before smashing out the door to catch the bus. So let me reiterate. Sugar and sugar on complex sugar washed down with some sugar water. I don't blame her, and I wouldn't change a thing. That shit was awesome. 

I still have no idea how I made it until noon without a nap or without blowing the button of my Osh Kosh jeans. What a horrible idea we've had as a society. No nutrition, just quickly spent carbohydrate. So... when I hear "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day", I cringe a little.

I agree with the concept to a point. In that, if you don't break your fast eventually, you just die. You cease to exist after a few days. So, yeah... break the fast. But, break it with some fucking purpose. Listen, we're all adults here. Commit to dedicating a few minutes a day to getting the first meal right. Do it big, do it small, I don't care. Just do it better than you have before. It'll set you up for a positive day, and chances are you'll have a lesser chance of shitting your pants from yourEgg McFuckiton the way to your cubical.

#1 - Make a skillet clusterfuck

Let's face it. Eggs are only cool for so long. After eating the same lightly seasoned cardboard egg pile day after day, month after month, it starts to suck. A dribble of Franks can only take you so far. Bringing new life to your breakfast isn't as hard as it may seem. 

Depending on your goals, most people are able to consume a large portion of their calories with their first meal. This is where the fun begins. Enter - "The Skillet Clusterfuck". The SCF has become a staple of TEAM tacticalories over the past few years due to a few factors.

  • They're quick.
  • They're easy.
  • They're generally pretty cost effective.
  • They require very little thinking, planning, or preparation.
  • They double as a bacon-onion air freshener that will leave your friends and family stumped.

There isn't a set way of creating a SCF. The rules are as follows; toss a ton of single ingredient foods into a skillet on high heat for a few minutes. Left over meats cooked in bacon grease, with a side of veggies topped with cheese is the cat's meow. 

#2 - Cook with GREASE or animal fat

Using bacon grease or organic grass fed butter is a no brainer. Ditch the junk vegetable oils, ASAP. What the hell is a Canolaanyway? We've lived off of animal fats for millennia. Long before the big wigs in Washington told us that our fats needed to be developed in a lab to be "heart healthy". Cooking a few strips of bacon leaves just enough grease behind to make for a nice layer of goodness in preparation for your peppers, veggies, meats, and/or eggs. Use it up, enjoy the flavor, and toss your margarine in the garbage, now.

#3 - short on time? blend and chug

Mix it up. This setup is like god damned rocket fuel. I prefer 2 cups of coldbrew (using the NYTimes method), 1 scoop of protein, 1 tablespoon of liquid coconut oil (available at Target) and a dash of pumpkin seasoning. I've also added, 8g creatine. Focus on solid protein and fat sources here. 

Consider ditching the carbohydrate here. Think outside the box, but think about what fuel your body truly needs. Do you need extra carbs to sit at your desk all afternoon?No. So justdon’t.

#4 - Go 50/5o for simplicity

One of the easiest ways to assure you're "getting it in" without counting macros. Rock the 50/50 rule. 50% protein, 50% veggies. Wash it down with 100% water. Simplicity, just cut the plate in half. Set a standard for the forthcoming week. Set a goal, form a plan. 

Enjoy your day, because it's back to full throttle.